I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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