is your mom at the bar?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
