bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
