Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wear drunk well.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
