My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
