My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
