I accidentally burped into my bong.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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