i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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