You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
