when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
