I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
