I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
soo... how was my night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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