I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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