I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
