In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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