I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
