this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
