Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
