I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
