I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
