how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
