i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
