I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
