so explain again why im purple
no
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
