please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
