Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
