she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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