You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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