I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
