The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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