There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
