Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
