Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
