My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
