and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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