Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
