it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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