just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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