so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
