He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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