never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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