My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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