Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
