put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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