I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
