apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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