Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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