mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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