would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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