you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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