walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
