There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize