Your tits are I can't wait for
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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