How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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