Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
