You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
