I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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