Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
