He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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