if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
