There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
