I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I see more hoeing in ur future
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