I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize