it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
